The Confidence Solution by Chloe Brotheridge

Author:Chloe Brotheridge [Brotheridge, Chloe]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780241475188
Publisher: Penguin Books Ltd
Published: 2021-01-21T00:00:00+00:00

Summary

★ Getting to know and accept your dark side is the path to true self-acceptance.

★ There is often a positive intention behind the dark side; what is a healthier way to fulfil the positive intention?

★ If you spot it, you’ve got it. The parts of other people you find annoying are often those you have repressed and denied in yourself.

CHAPTER 23

Owning your body

In a society that profits from your self-doubt, liking yourself is a rebellious act.

CAROLINE CALDWELL

We grew up in diet culture. Perhaps you watched your mother going in and out of stints at WeightWatchers, obsessing over points. Maybe she counted Slimming World Syns (eating is not a sin, people!). Or weighed out precise portions of cardboard-dry breakfast cereal like it was the most normal thing in the world. And although diets have changed – they often include nutrition and they’re called detoxes, clean eating or reboots now – come January 1st it can seem as if the world is following a regime of some kind. There’s a global industry worth billions devoted to ways of changing your body.1 We’re bombarded by images of perfection, by celebs extolling the virtues of dubious laxative teas and dangerous Brazilian butt lifts.2

How has this impacted your attitude towards your body? If someone asks you, ‘Have you lost weight?’ do you consider this to be the highest of all praise? Do you sometimes wish for plastic surgery? Thanks to the body positivity movement we’re becoming aware of these old patterns of unhelpful thinking. But the huge shift that’s needed, from body criticism to body love, won’t happen overnight. Many of us are still stuck with the old programming; that we need to look a certain way in order to be good enough. Despite ‘knowing’ it’s all bullshit, we still have to work hard to not want to jump on the bandwagon when someone mentions the latest cosmetic procedure they’ve had or no-diet-diet (I mean, it’s still a diet) that they’re on.

Body shame is our default setting. Ever tried on eight different outfits and then declared you have ‘nothing to wear!’? You’re not alone. Body confidence issues affect the majority of us in some way or another. For years, I felt ‘wrong’ in my body, it didn’t feel like my home, and I worried incessantly about its imperfections.

Here are some examples of what I and many others have experienced:

Only having sex in pitch darkness because you can’t bear the vulnerability of having your naked body on display.

Staying away from dating because you can’t understand how anyone could find you attractive.

Cancelling a night out because your favourite top feels a little snugger than you’d like.

Feeling so self-conscious and preoccupied about what you’re wearing that you can’t relax and enjoy a conversation with your close friends in a restaurant.

Wasting hours beating yourself up about what you ate on holiday, leaving you feeling exhausted and withdrawn.

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